Here is an article I have written about Camel Pose for Yoga Abode.
Hari Om Tat Sat.
www.yoga-abode.com/practice/camel_pose_ushtrasana
Monday 24 May 2010
Sunday 9 May 2010
on creativity (or the wisdom that helped me stop pursuing dancing)
Since I was very young, dancing was the deep love of my life. It was central to my childhood and adolescence, and I developed the longing for it to be my profession. Especially since transitioning from ballet to contemporary dance, I though of my dancing as my artistry, and therefore my creativity.
What happened to me in the world of professional dance was that the energetic return on my energetic investment (to put it crudely) were never equal. Working for months on a project that got performed 3 times. Working unpaid, and missing other work. Doing shows that ended with nothing to show for them, not even photos or decent videos. Because of my identification of creativity and output, if the work didn't go anywhere, it invalidated me as a creative human being. Instead of feeding and nurturing and bringing joy to my life, the whole process became thankless and painful.
What I have come to understand is that being a creative human being has nothing do to with output. (The gesture here is like holding a round loaf of bread between the heart and navel centres)-> I am a creative person. You are a creative person. We all are creative beings. That is within us, and always will be. Artistic output is a separate quality than creativity, though it can at times be an indicator of creativity. Creativity is a quality of being, output is a result of action. At times it is difficult to dissociate those two, but with understanding that I am not what I do, it is completely possible to be creative in my existence (as all beings are) without producing any tangible results.
The other part of what I have learned, and what has made me let go of the profession of dance is that the energy was not supporting it. I (as in my ego that needed validation) was making work (often from my head pointing to some goal). I had dreams of recognition, "success", rockstardom. But there was not the energy to create that (neither my own, nor the universal energy). And so it had to be me motoring something forward, even when signs from withing me and without pointed to the ultimate futility of this way of operating. Or course when the ego which needs validation is put forward and fails to receive that validation, the pain is immense. As it was. As was the stress in the process.
What I am realizing now, and these written words are a part of it is my creative self likes expression, in written word, conversation and teaching, in movement and in yoga, in music made and heard. T/his expression need not be shared, but can be if that's where spirit leads. At the moment, I am playing lots of music, purely from the joy and beauty of sharing. I am writing not knowing who will read, and not caring but because there are thoughts in me that are longing for form. From that place, the energy is being created to play more, write more. Different possibilities are arising. But it is not through me doing anything but remaining open. And at the moment, it feels right to continue with them, because they are further opportunities to share the beauty that I feel playing, practicing and living.
I hold no illusions of an outcome, especially where music is concerned. I have no hope. All I know is that I am being supported in the expression, something that I have not felt when dancing for a long time if ever. And I know that if that energy reaches its finishing point, its peak or a place where it is no longer supported, it will end gracefully.
Creativity pervades. It is as essential as Atma, the eternal self, indeed it is a facet of that self. Output or manifestation can be a natural expression of that self, or it can be the ego. So for now, I have no eye to the future, I am just enjoying the connection of creativity to that soul within. I sing, I teach, I practice from that place. And in that I am touched by deep grace.
All my love and gratitude for these words that flow, this song that sings, this yoga that teaches.
Hari Om Tat Sat.
What happened to me in the world of professional dance was that the energetic return on my energetic investment (to put it crudely) were never equal. Working for months on a project that got performed 3 times. Working unpaid, and missing other work. Doing shows that ended with nothing to show for them, not even photos or decent videos. Because of my identification of creativity and output, if the work didn't go anywhere, it invalidated me as a creative human being. Instead of feeding and nurturing and bringing joy to my life, the whole process became thankless and painful.
What I have come to understand is that being a creative human being has nothing do to with output. (The gesture here is like holding a round loaf of bread between the heart and navel centres)-> I am a creative person. You are a creative person. We all are creative beings. That is within us, and always will be. Artistic output is a separate quality than creativity, though it can at times be an indicator of creativity. Creativity is a quality of being, output is a result of action. At times it is difficult to dissociate those two, but with understanding that I am not what I do, it is completely possible to be creative in my existence (as all beings are) without producing any tangible results.
The other part of what I have learned, and what has made me let go of the profession of dance is that the energy was not supporting it. I (as in my ego that needed validation) was making work (often from my head pointing to some goal). I had dreams of recognition, "success", rockstardom. But there was not the energy to create that (neither my own, nor the universal energy). And so it had to be me motoring something forward, even when signs from withing me and without pointed to the ultimate futility of this way of operating. Or course when the ego which needs validation is put forward and fails to receive that validation, the pain is immense. As it was. As was the stress in the process.
What I am realizing now, and these written words are a part of it is my creative self likes expression, in written word, conversation and teaching, in movement and in yoga, in music made and heard. T/his expression need not be shared, but can be if that's where spirit leads. At the moment, I am playing lots of music, purely from the joy and beauty of sharing. I am writing not knowing who will read, and not caring but because there are thoughts in me that are longing for form. From that place, the energy is being created to play more, write more. Different possibilities are arising. But it is not through me doing anything but remaining open. And at the moment, it feels right to continue with them, because they are further opportunities to share the beauty that I feel playing, practicing and living.
I hold no illusions of an outcome, especially where music is concerned. I have no hope. All I know is that I am being supported in the expression, something that I have not felt when dancing for a long time if ever. And I know that if that energy reaches its finishing point, its peak or a place where it is no longer supported, it will end gracefully.
Creativity pervades. It is as essential as Atma, the eternal self, indeed it is a facet of that self. Output or manifestation can be a natural expression of that self, or it can be the ego. So for now, I have no eye to the future, I am just enjoying the connection of creativity to that soul within. I sing, I teach, I practice from that place. And in that I am touched by deep grace.
All my love and gratitude for these words that flow, this song that sings, this yoga that teaches.
Hari Om Tat Sat.
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