not sleeping well. not sitting well. hmmm...
I was listening to a lecture by Psychotherapist, Therapeutic Yogi and teacher Bo Forbes this morning. It was about the intersection of yoga and neuroscience. She is very knowledgeable and it is not really for me to reiterate what she has said.
However, what I was reminded of this morning is the interconnection between body and mind, more specifically that when the nervous system is in a state of engagement, the fight/flight/freeze instinct starts to kick in. The way that I notice this is that my mind starts plotting all kinds of strategies, exit strategies, conversations, plans, all kinds of things. I was so distracted by such thoughts this morning that I could not hardly sit.
But what is interesting is I am not practicing my physical yoga well either. Sometimes when I find it hard to sit it is because the body has excess physical energy that needs to be burned off (or so I think) and thus it is hard to sit until that energy is used. In such cases yoga serves as a preparation for meditation.
But right now that is not the case. Physical energy moves on the bike. But, my practice feels weaker than usual, erratic, and unconcentrated. Both the mind and body are in that maniacal state.
It is not all bad. This time is full of planning, imagining, visioning life into existence. And so that positive racing mind is useful, in a way, to those thought processes. But it just won't stop. Or when it does, it screeches to a halt in the form of absolute exhaustion. Not how I really want to be living.
So what the lecture reminded me is that the agitation of the nervous system, even through sitting keeps this energy going. I suppose sitting meditation, for the moment will have to take a back seat to some restorative work, where the body can truly, truly, release and relax.
The other part of this post comes from a reflection on watching a friend prepare for some travels. He is packing his life full of activities, wanting to get just one more session in before he goes, or just do one more workshop, see this person, etc. It struck me that I live like that a lot. Trying to squeeze, trying to hold, not wanting to let one more day go by without, etc. A phrase said to me by a dear old friend came to mind. I said it to him, as I say it to myself, as I say it to you.
You have everything that you need.
And I do. So this evening, tomorrow, bank holiday/memorial day monday will be coming to rest in that knowledge. There is nothing more needed. Energy flows, so I do not need to grasp at it. It comes, it moves, it supports me. I have everything that I need. We all have everything that we need.
Maybe that will allow this nervous system to calm and mind to steady. That would be welcome.
Om Tat Sat.
Om Shanti.
Peace.
Saturday 28 May 2011
Monday 23 May 2011
Upcoming
Lots of exciting things coming up, starting with this one. Watch this space.
Hari Om, Tat Sat.
Om Shanti.
Peace.
Friday 13 May 2011
breathe and breathe again
I am constantly amazed by how insights in my life are given to me on the yoga mat. And how, as my practice develops physically, so I develop spiritually. What a great gift.
In the last week, I have had the good fortune to practice with some of London’s most advanced yoga practitioners. I have also started to change the pace of my own practice, slowing down to honestly and precisely match movements to the speed of the breath. Both of these experiences have shown me truly what happens when I get into the depth of the breathing pattern. Physical impossibilities become more possible.
But it is not only advancing the asana that interests me. Earlier this week, a series of circumstances left me feeling completely overwhelmed, the bigness of the city and the world and the projects at hand. Feeling slightly fragile, I was overcome with the feeling, “I cannot do this alone”. At first it sort of attached to a need for someone to help me. But after some time, it dawned on me that that feeling, “I cannot do this alone” is when the space for grace enters.
It is when I can truly let universal energy sustain me, not my own supposed strength. This is great trust and great surrender. In that moment, I became deeply present to the way breath, and therefore prana or life force energy come into me, move through me, and emanate from me, without me doing. That breath is the life energy, the sustenance to move, and a power much greater than myself to create on the earth.
I have been doing my yoga practice with a certain depth of breath, and a certain level of muscular effort. I feel generally strong and capable. The realisation was that if breath can get deeper, I don’t need to do quite so much. I don't need to be strong. It is done through me. And with that understanding, I was doing more advanced asana, with greater ease than before.
So it will be my project to explore that depth of breath, the depth of my ability to receive and let go into the energy that flows through me. To let my head, my strength, my drive, all take a rest, and see what unfolds in that deep place.
In my class, I choose a theme for each month. May’s theme has been supporting the heart. What better support than to rest in the great arms of the universe, to let go, to breathe and be held. June will continue this theme, with deeper exploration of the breath, the breath connected to bandha, and the breath connected to presence within the asana practice.
Hari Om, Tat Sat.
Om Shanti.
In the last week, I have had the good fortune to practice with some of London’s most advanced yoga practitioners. I have also started to change the pace of my own practice, slowing down to honestly and precisely match movements to the speed of the breath. Both of these experiences have shown me truly what happens when I get into the depth of the breathing pattern. Physical impossibilities become more possible.
But it is not only advancing the asana that interests me. Earlier this week, a series of circumstances left me feeling completely overwhelmed, the bigness of the city and the world and the projects at hand. Feeling slightly fragile, I was overcome with the feeling, “I cannot do this alone”. At first it sort of attached to a need for someone to help me. But after some time, it dawned on me that that feeling, “I cannot do this alone” is when the space for grace enters.
It is when I can truly let universal energy sustain me, not my own supposed strength. This is great trust and great surrender. In that moment, I became deeply present to the way breath, and therefore prana or life force energy come into me, move through me, and emanate from me, without me doing. That breath is the life energy, the sustenance to move, and a power much greater than myself to create on the earth.
I have been doing my yoga practice with a certain depth of breath, and a certain level of muscular effort. I feel generally strong and capable. The realisation was that if breath can get deeper, I don’t need to do quite so much. I don't need to be strong. It is done through me. And with that understanding, I was doing more advanced asana, with greater ease than before.
So it will be my project to explore that depth of breath, the depth of my ability to receive and let go into the energy that flows through me. To let my head, my strength, my drive, all take a rest, and see what unfolds in that deep place.
In my class, I choose a theme for each month. May’s theme has been supporting the heart. What better support than to rest in the great arms of the universe, to let go, to breathe and be held. June will continue this theme, with deeper exploration of the breath, the breath connected to bandha, and the breath connected to presence within the asana practice.
Hari Om, Tat Sat.
Om Shanti.
Friday 6 May 2011
national unity
i'm just sayin'...
i know that a royal wedding is a sort of flimsy excuse for flag waving and national unity and pride, but at the moment I much prefer it over a vengeful and only semi-legal assassination.
i'll celebrate love over hate, and peace over violence any day.
Hari Om, Tat Sat.
Stand for peace.
Om Shanti.
i know that a royal wedding is a sort of flimsy excuse for flag waving and national unity and pride, but at the moment I much prefer it over a vengeful and only semi-legal assassination.
i'll celebrate love over hate, and peace over violence any day.
Hari Om, Tat Sat.
Stand for peace.
Om Shanti.
Tuesday 3 May 2011
the unfolding of lessons
I am not sure what the theme for May will be just yet, but today, Taurus new moon day, I start by reflecting on April. Being away for half the month at Vipassana, and then Easter, and then this Royal Wedding thing made the month seem very choppy, and very short. So there wasn't really time to develop a theme. If anything it was about quiet. I stopped teaching with music and started working more quietly and subtly in myself. I had to. Vipassana truly broke me down in many ways, including physical, which I only now think I am recovering from. Maybe recovering is not quite the right word, moving through, moving with, adapting to...
So last week in yoga, I had a pretty major energetic release, shaking and trembling deeply, and for a long time. The energy that released had been inside for a while, and still is. But starting to move. So I thought the May theme was going to be about releasing. Softness and space in the musculature to facilitate release into the depth of flexibility. But it doesn't ring true at the moment. Feels like there is something else that I am working on, that came out naturally in classes today.
Amongst the work I did in March were two workshops that both focused on the use of the shoulders. I have been reprogramming my own body, especially in chaturanga, but also in backbends like cobra and camel to really use the shoulder blades on the back in a different way. After working the shoulders on the back into the backbends and eventually into nataragasana, there was this sort of spontaneous meditation image that came.
The heart chakra, the heart itself and the energy it expresses is not located in the front body. It permeates the general area of the centre of the chest as it expresses through the entire mind/body network. And in so doing, it is equally radiant in the back body. But what can come from the back body need not be the same type of energy as what radiates through the front.
If someone were to spontaneously make a gesture to express open-heartedness, they would probably extend the hands forward and open the hands. The quality of an open heart expresses itself in the front body. Nevertheless it is impossible to express this quality without the integrity of the back body, the spine and the musculature of the back.
So as I have been working the shoulders differently, there is a new quality of openness that is possible in the heart centre, a clarity and precision and depth.
The last few weeks have also brought back some of the first spiritual themes that i encountered on my journey. So the image I am using for this month is a great bright moon in the centre of the chest, the back body is like the gravity that connects it to the earth in constant movement. The front body is the bright face that shines its light, both as a mirror for universal energy and as a source itself of pure radiance.
It seems like the right theme now for the month. On May 21 I will lead a workshop with the beautiful and insightful Lizzie McCallum, exploring the themes of unconditional love and open heart through the practice of yoga. meditation and creative practice. So this month will build to that. What a lovely journey to be on.
Hari Om, Tat Sat.
Om Shanti.
Peace.
So last week in yoga, I had a pretty major energetic release, shaking and trembling deeply, and for a long time. The energy that released had been inside for a while, and still is. But starting to move. So I thought the May theme was going to be about releasing. Softness and space in the musculature to facilitate release into the depth of flexibility. But it doesn't ring true at the moment. Feels like there is something else that I am working on, that came out naturally in classes today.
Amongst the work I did in March were two workshops that both focused on the use of the shoulders. I have been reprogramming my own body, especially in chaturanga, but also in backbends like cobra and camel to really use the shoulder blades on the back in a different way. After working the shoulders on the back into the backbends and eventually into nataragasana, there was this sort of spontaneous meditation image that came.
The heart chakra, the heart itself and the energy it expresses is not located in the front body. It permeates the general area of the centre of the chest as it expresses through the entire mind/body network. And in so doing, it is equally radiant in the back body. But what can come from the back body need not be the same type of energy as what radiates through the front.
If someone were to spontaneously make a gesture to express open-heartedness, they would probably extend the hands forward and open the hands. The quality of an open heart expresses itself in the front body. Nevertheless it is impossible to express this quality without the integrity of the back body, the spine and the musculature of the back.
So as I have been working the shoulders differently, there is a new quality of openness that is possible in the heart centre, a clarity and precision and depth.
The last few weeks have also brought back some of the first spiritual themes that i encountered on my journey. So the image I am using for this month is a great bright moon in the centre of the chest, the back body is like the gravity that connects it to the earth in constant movement. The front body is the bright face that shines its light, both as a mirror for universal energy and as a source itself of pure radiance.
It seems like the right theme now for the month. On May 21 I will lead a workshop with the beautiful and insightful Lizzie McCallum, exploring the themes of unconditional love and open heart through the practice of yoga. meditation and creative practice. So this month will build to that. What a lovely journey to be on.
Hari Om, Tat Sat.
Om Shanti.
Peace.
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