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Wednesday, 21 April 2010
Sunday, 28 March 2010
exodus
The full moon is tuesday, and the passover holiday. i haven't got any matzah and though I live amongst the Hasidim in Stamford hill, I feel like I am going to miss out on this holiday again this year. it is a reminder of distance from home and family, and for that i am a little sad. More than a little. I also feel the loss of this connection to my own history, and the breakdown of tradition. I suppose that is not all bad, but in the case of Pesach, I do feel like it is a loss.
As I reflect on the concept of Exodus this year, I cannot help but think of the huge changes that have happened in my life between these last two passovers. Last year, I was dancing a bit, but not really enjoying it anymore. I had a performance of sorts on the night of the first seder, and did not do the seder because of the show. I eventually regretted that, wished I had said my truth, and changed the time of the performance to facilitate the holiday. never mind. this year, i am well and truly alone, having gone through an exodus of sorts of my own. Have I reached the promised land, I do not know. I think the promised land is the fiction that keeps us moving somewhere, the illusion we must break down.
Exodus in theory represents the forces for change and the forces that resist change in every being. (by being, I mean entity. That is person, family, society, i suppose I don't know much about animals or amoeba, but i imagine that they have similar traits as well). Lucky are those of us who have a Pharoah outside of us to represent that resistence, because more often I believe that force comes from within. No matter how bad it is, somewhere inside is that part that says better the devil I know. At first he says yes, go. Get out. Move on. But then no. And every time comes the message, you cannot stay here. this is not the right thing. Growth must come, some way, some how. The cows die, but you resist and try to stay. The locusts come. But then comes the turning point, when enough is enough. This cannot be any more. But that force will chase us into the desert, that shadow, that part that says "stay enslaved. you are safe there. you know your place. you are needed. you belong." and then it takes a miracle. That magical door that only opens when you know you cannot look back. That red sea parting, that cross to the promised land. Again, lucky are the few whose demons are washed into the water. Lucky are those with a sea between them and the past that they cannot cross back over. and lucky are those who do not recreate their servitude on the other side of the waters.
So this passover, Looking back it has been a year, perhaps two of exodus(es). Personal, Social, Political. I have shed many things that were not serving my growth, painfully, dramatically, tragically and also beautifully. I have started to make moves forward, baby steps, towards living in a different way. Without the omnipresent fear. With aims that are bigger and more universal. In that I am aiming for a great parting of the seas, a great miracle to lead to wholeness, expansion, to be in the flow of life, which for me is living in the promised land.
Oh my soul, give me the light, show me the path. Give me the excellence and beauty to be bountiful, blissful, kind, compassionate and true to myself.
Hari Om Tat Sat.
As I reflect on the concept of Exodus this year, I cannot help but think of the huge changes that have happened in my life between these last two passovers. Last year, I was dancing a bit, but not really enjoying it anymore. I had a performance of sorts on the night of the first seder, and did not do the seder because of the show. I eventually regretted that, wished I had said my truth, and changed the time of the performance to facilitate the holiday. never mind. this year, i am well and truly alone, having gone through an exodus of sorts of my own. Have I reached the promised land, I do not know. I think the promised land is the fiction that keeps us moving somewhere, the illusion we must break down.
Exodus in theory represents the forces for change and the forces that resist change in every being. (by being, I mean entity. That is person, family, society, i suppose I don't know much about animals or amoeba, but i imagine that they have similar traits as well). Lucky are those of us who have a Pharoah outside of us to represent that resistence, because more often I believe that force comes from within. No matter how bad it is, somewhere inside is that part that says better the devil I know. At first he says yes, go. Get out. Move on. But then no. And every time comes the message, you cannot stay here. this is not the right thing. Growth must come, some way, some how. The cows die, but you resist and try to stay. The locusts come. But then comes the turning point, when enough is enough. This cannot be any more. But that force will chase us into the desert, that shadow, that part that says "stay enslaved. you are safe there. you know your place. you are needed. you belong." and then it takes a miracle. That magical door that only opens when you know you cannot look back. That red sea parting, that cross to the promised land. Again, lucky are the few whose demons are washed into the water. Lucky are those with a sea between them and the past that they cannot cross back over. and lucky are those who do not recreate their servitude on the other side of the waters.
So this passover, Looking back it has been a year, perhaps two of exodus(es). Personal, Social, Political. I have shed many things that were not serving my growth, painfully, dramatically, tragically and also beautifully. I have started to make moves forward, baby steps, towards living in a different way. Without the omnipresent fear. With aims that are bigger and more universal. In that I am aiming for a great parting of the seas, a great miracle to lead to wholeness, expansion, to be in the flow of life, which for me is living in the promised land.
Oh my soul, give me the light, show me the path. Give me the excellence and beauty to be bountiful, blissful, kind, compassionate and true to myself.
Hari Om Tat Sat.
Monday, 22 February 2010
February Love
I am not sure why, beside the obvious Valentines day 'holiday', but February seems to have taken on the role of the month of Love Awareness. The thematic of love seems to permeate our conversations, and certainly yoga classes, with many back bend themed classes appearing as 'heart openers' in this month. And though I do agree that backbends open the heart, there is a lot more at play in the practice of backbends than opening the heart. Similarly with love, the depth of the experience is heart centred, but then so much deeper with unfolding experience.
My teaching practice is my own best teacher, and this weekend, I had the opportunity to work with my favorite ever yoga student/teacher (we shift roles so fluidly between the two) who also happens to be my mother. I went to a few backbend focused classes, which I always find inspiring in my own body. What remains ever clearer to me is that if focused on opening the heart only, or bending the back only, a backbending practice will be short lived, either leading to limitations and discomfort or injury. In order for that practice there are other integral elements to the journey.
The first is grounding. The heart of course holds fear as well as love, fear which can be observed in one of two ways. The first are fears of the unknown, the unfamiliar, fears of letting the body or spirit journey into places it has not been. The second are fears that are signals from the body saying 'I am not strong enough,' 'I do not have my weight organized in the right way,' 'I do not have the resources to move into this safely.' etc. Backbends can bring up both of these fears. The natural fear of what we cannot see, what is behind us is a fear of the unfamiliar. On the other hand the fear of depth is often present because there is not the base level strength in the body to support the body moving into the backspace. Both of those fears can be worked through through grounding, activation of the feet, legs, thighs as the foundation for maintaining the body, the earthing that allows opening to happen safely and confidently.
The second is space. When one thinks only of moving backwards into backbends, generally it turns more into a crunch, with the lower back creasing and the upper back and shoulders going along for the ride, and then with the neck crunching back. The ego can feel quite satisfied by this situation, because the eyes send the signal that the backbend is deep, given that they are straining to extend away from the chest, chin, throat. This is where backbends lose their longevity. The fundamental principle to making the backbend safe is the space in the spine which allows the vertabrae to move along each other, rather than folding which pinches them against each other. As tailbone/sacrum and cervical spine/occiput move away from each other linearly first, the entire spine has the space to extend, from which the deep arc the full back 'bend' (which is not really a bend at all but an extension of the front surface/central facet of the spine) is possible. Deep back bends do appear as bends, with the tailbone and crown moving toward each other. The space allows the heart, which correlates to that internal/posterior side of the spine to open.
The third is growth. Following from the aspect of space, as we hold in the minds eye the feeling of extension and growth we create the space in the front body that the back body need not collapse on itself. We grow into extension as a great tree, as much as we grow up we grow down. But more than that, growth implies dierctionality and intention. So with the space we have created and the rootedness of the body, we can start to pull and lengthen even more deeply. Especially in the abdomen, as we collect and lengthen the ribs away from the pelvis, the linear elasticity of the flesh of the belly is activated. with the intention of growth, the transverse abdominals and psoas retain support, while the external surfaces stretch.
The last aspect of the moment is surrender. Oh my soul give me the light. My light.
This is an amazing surrender, because it requires us to trust our light, or radiance. if we hold within and lock down, in the ribs or throat or neck, the backbend becomes unattainable. We must face the fear of our own light, our own radiance and these oft protected places, the heart, the throat, the fronts of the hips open to incredible lengths.
But February is not about a backbend but about love, and my little life is doing some amazing teaching about the nature of love in this last year. Funny, or perhaps telling, that every aspect I see in the backbends is the same qualities needed in love.
Grounding. Space. Growth. Surrender.
As above, so below. Yoga on the mat, yoga off the mat.
What a gift it is to be alive.
Hari Om Tat Sat.
Om Shanti.
My teaching practice is my own best teacher, and this weekend, I had the opportunity to work with my favorite ever yoga student/teacher (we shift roles so fluidly between the two) who also happens to be my mother. I went to a few backbend focused classes, which I always find inspiring in my own body. What remains ever clearer to me is that if focused on opening the heart only, or bending the back only, a backbending practice will be short lived, either leading to limitations and discomfort or injury. In order for that practice there are other integral elements to the journey.
The first is grounding. The heart of course holds fear as well as love, fear which can be observed in one of two ways. The first are fears of the unknown, the unfamiliar, fears of letting the body or spirit journey into places it has not been. The second are fears that are signals from the body saying 'I am not strong enough,' 'I do not have my weight organized in the right way,' 'I do not have the resources to move into this safely.' etc. Backbends can bring up both of these fears. The natural fear of what we cannot see, what is behind us is a fear of the unfamiliar. On the other hand the fear of depth is often present because there is not the base level strength in the body to support the body moving into the backspace. Both of those fears can be worked through through grounding, activation of the feet, legs, thighs as the foundation for maintaining the body, the earthing that allows opening to happen safely and confidently.
The second is space. When one thinks only of moving backwards into backbends, generally it turns more into a crunch, with the lower back creasing and the upper back and shoulders going along for the ride, and then with the neck crunching back. The ego can feel quite satisfied by this situation, because the eyes send the signal that the backbend is deep, given that they are straining to extend away from the chest, chin, throat. This is where backbends lose their longevity. The fundamental principle to making the backbend safe is the space in the spine which allows the vertabrae to move along each other, rather than folding which pinches them against each other. As tailbone/sacrum and cervical spine/occiput move away from each other linearly first, the entire spine has the space to extend, from which the deep arc the full back 'bend' (which is not really a bend at all but an extension of the front surface/central facet of the spine) is possible. Deep back bends do appear as bends, with the tailbone and crown moving toward each other. The space allows the heart, which correlates to that internal/posterior side of the spine to open.
The third is growth. Following from the aspect of space, as we hold in the minds eye the feeling of extension and growth we create the space in the front body that the back body need not collapse on itself. We grow into extension as a great tree, as much as we grow up we grow down. But more than that, growth implies dierctionality and intention. So with the space we have created and the rootedness of the body, we can start to pull and lengthen even more deeply. Especially in the abdomen, as we collect and lengthen the ribs away from the pelvis, the linear elasticity of the flesh of the belly is activated. with the intention of growth, the transverse abdominals and psoas retain support, while the external surfaces stretch.
The last aspect of the moment is surrender. Oh my soul give me the light. My light.
This is an amazing surrender, because it requires us to trust our light, or radiance. if we hold within and lock down, in the ribs or throat or neck, the backbend becomes unattainable. We must face the fear of our own light, our own radiance and these oft protected places, the heart, the throat, the fronts of the hips open to incredible lengths.
But February is not about a backbend but about love, and my little life is doing some amazing teaching about the nature of love in this last year. Funny, or perhaps telling, that every aspect I see in the backbends is the same qualities needed in love.
Grounding. Space. Growth. Surrender.
As above, so below. Yoga on the mat, yoga off the mat.
What a gift it is to be alive.
Hari Om Tat Sat.
Om Shanti.
Monday, 25 January 2010
Peace Piece
Today was a particularly inspired class. I will try to articulate something here, knowing that this is memory of a moment in time that was given, so it will never have the same resonance as it did when it flowed through. Never mind, it will be its own flow.
The darkest depths of the ocean, the outer reaches of the atmosphere, the hottest rumbling volcano and the cold plain of the arctic.
this is your aura, this is your field.
the entire earth is within you, and you are within it.
so too the entire scope of emotions. the darkest depths of sorrow, the expanse of joy, the hottest fires of anger and the deep peace of awareness.
this is all in you. every moment, every breath, you contain all and all contains you.
Take these moments of stillness for we are thirsty for them. Let whatever is inside you, let it come let it be, let it go.
you must know yourself, deeply and truly. you must not deny any facet of your existence. the road to spirit starts here, with the deep experience of yourself truly, living, truly alive, truly existing in the polarities and the in betweens, in the shadow and in the light. You are alive with energy, vibrating,
fluttering,
radiating,
swirling,
itching,
destabilizing,
fluctuating.
whatever it is that comes, let it come, let it be, let it go.
this is the path to our deeper awareness. it starts with deeply facing all that is in this self, in this life. it ends with deeply facing all that is in this self, in this life. there is nothing else.
whatever reflected in the mirror of the body; let it come, let it be, let it go.
whatever reflected in the wheel of life; let it come, let it be, let it go.
inhale deeply. exhale fully. inhale deeply, exhale fully. stretch through your fingers as you open your hands, and your heart to this life and all that it is.
Shanti, Shalom, Salaam, Paix, Peace.
Hari Om Tat Sat.
All my love.
And Good night.
The darkest depths of the ocean, the outer reaches of the atmosphere, the hottest rumbling volcano and the cold plain of the arctic.
this is your aura, this is your field.
the entire earth is within you, and you are within it.
so too the entire scope of emotions. the darkest depths of sorrow, the expanse of joy, the hottest fires of anger and the deep peace of awareness.
this is all in you. every moment, every breath, you contain all and all contains you.
Take these moments of stillness for we are thirsty for them. Let whatever is inside you, let it come let it be, let it go.
you must know yourself, deeply and truly. you must not deny any facet of your existence. the road to spirit starts here, with the deep experience of yourself truly, living, truly alive, truly existing in the polarities and the in betweens, in the shadow and in the light. You are alive with energy, vibrating,
fluttering,
radiating,
swirling,
itching,
destabilizing,
fluctuating.
whatever it is that comes, let it come, let it be, let it go.
this is the path to our deeper awareness. it starts with deeply facing all that is in this self, in this life. it ends with deeply facing all that is in this self, in this life. there is nothing else.
whatever reflected in the mirror of the body; let it come, let it be, let it go.
whatever reflected in the wheel of life; let it come, let it be, let it go.
inhale deeply. exhale fully. inhale deeply, exhale fully. stretch through your fingers as you open your hands, and your heart to this life and all that it is.
Shanti, Shalom, Salaam, Paix, Peace.
Hari Om Tat Sat.
All my love.
And Good night.
Saturday, 9 January 2010
Two Threads, an introduction
Two threads was the name for a blog I chose a while ago, thinking it would be about a performance that I was then working on. The blog never took off then, and neither did the show. The name seemed right though for me at this moment, thinking about weaving together the threads of my current life, education and yoga, and how that will ultimately resolve into one larger integrated picture. The two threads, like the ida and pingala nadis interplay through this journey. Eventually what will be revealed is that central chord, sushumna, where the two energies interplay, carrying energy from root source to infinite expression.
Yoga on the mat is a dance of energy, where it moves into form. My practice is feeling deeply into this body while moving through the forms of hatha vinyasa and the forms of kundalini practice. Here in this body, I weave the two threads the detail and the freedom, the external technique and the internal play. On the mat, the hands rise, these feet ground, this navel consolidates, this heart radiates. I sail on the four winds and find unity with each breath. Hands together in front of heart, palm to palm, the two hands each holding and feeding the other. I lean towards the great divine. The great divine supports back. I weave the threads to make one.
Yoga off the mat is the dance of energy where it moves out of form. My practice is to surf through the ocean of experience where challenge meets ease, where fear battle love, and love bows in return. This morning I wake up to a journey where I move forward and the world moves back. This evening I question and get no answer back. There is no hand to grip, no form to hold onto, no signpost, no measuring stick. I lean in with trust that I am held. I cry in the fear of the dark. And take another small step.
Two threads is the beginning of a new journey. The yoga of writing. The yoga of teaching. The yoga of yoga. The yoga of everyday life. There is no difference of course between what is on and off the mat. There is no mat, there is no yoga, there is no spoon. Nevertheless, in this human existence there is the great fear, the great sadness, the great uncertainty and illusion of separation that clouds true understanding. I am writing to share, and writing to understand all that is, all that I am, all that I fear and all that I love.
Hari Om Tat Sat.
Yoga on the mat is a dance of energy, where it moves into form. My practice is feeling deeply into this body while moving through the forms of hatha vinyasa and the forms of kundalini practice. Here in this body, I weave the two threads the detail and the freedom, the external technique and the internal play. On the mat, the hands rise, these feet ground, this navel consolidates, this heart radiates. I sail on the four winds and find unity with each breath. Hands together in front of heart, palm to palm, the two hands each holding and feeding the other. I lean towards the great divine. The great divine supports back. I weave the threads to make one.
Yoga off the mat is the dance of energy where it moves out of form. My practice is to surf through the ocean of experience where challenge meets ease, where fear battle love, and love bows in return. This morning I wake up to a journey where I move forward and the world moves back. This evening I question and get no answer back. There is no hand to grip, no form to hold onto, no signpost, no measuring stick. I lean in with trust that I am held. I cry in the fear of the dark. And take another small step.
Two threads is the beginning of a new journey. The yoga of writing. The yoga of teaching. The yoga of yoga. The yoga of everyday life. There is no difference of course between what is on and off the mat. There is no mat, there is no yoga, there is no spoon. Nevertheless, in this human existence there is the great fear, the great sadness, the great uncertainty and illusion of separation that clouds true understanding. I am writing to share, and writing to understand all that is, all that I am, all that I fear and all that I love.
Hari Om Tat Sat.
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