It has been a really interesting week. Deeply transformational. And very simple.
I have been in a process these last months of evaluating my life, and coming to terms with the reality of my career path, and approaching the whole thing differently. Soon my website will be up, soon there will be some timetable changes, etc. But in the process, I have been through some of the difficulty that change brings. Fear and anxiety so strong I shook physically and also manifested as a mentality of scarcity and attachment with a grabbing 'in the supermarket hungry' sort of lack of discrimination. Some incredibly difficult moments of panic deep and gripping inside my belly and heart. Wow. And then physical symptoms, joints that ached red and didn't want to move. Stiffness, hypersensitivity, bad skin, spaciness, etc.
On Monday I decided enough was enough and decided to do a small fast on fruits and vegetables, but mostly juice. Within about 12 hours everything started to shift.
Yes, I think the diet change made a huge difference. (And I think I can start to acknowledge that I am intolerant to wheat.) But in a way food choice was a symptom of the scarcity mentality, that i was deciding not based on what my body wanted, but on what was less expensive. In my case, it doesn't turn into fast food, or processed food. But it does turn into starchy, bready, etc. Food I don't really like, but take because it will fill me up. And sweet things (which I do like) that I eat out of addictive patterns and instant "gratification".
Which is really a metaphor for accepting second best, even accepting that which is toxic in order to save a few pennies. The essence of scarcity mentality.
So choosing to eat veg and fruit was a number of things. Besides being cleansing, it also was an affirmation inside that what is most important is caring for myself, and that I trust in the abundance of the universe to support my health through the food I eat. I chose based on what will feel good, what will be healing and nurturing, there is enough money for good food. There is good healthy food I can eat within my budget.
In a way, the one gesture cleared the symptoms, but went much deeper, into the root of the "i'll just take what is given" mentality. Into the lack of discrimination mentality. Into the not caring for myself well mentality. And that one action seems to have expanded hugely into all areas of my life.
I am very happy to feel physically better. Wow, its an amazing difference. And I know it comes from the food, and what it represents, the choice to nurture and heal myself through my own choices in this life.
What amazes me most is that I had felt so deep in the anxiety, that for weeks I couldn't see how to make the choice to move out of it. I knew it was creating the landscape of my life at the moment, but I couldn't imagine how to shift it. It was just the choice to change one symptom, one little thing, that seems to have cascaded into the very big thing.
Some of the work I am doing now revolves around addressing and changing belief patterns. I guess in one way what I learned is that sometimes the huge shift comes from a very little change. If I fixate on the big picture, I may not know where to go. But maybe I can make a tiny step, or change one tiny thing, and see where that one change leads.
Feels humbling and empowering. Feels like where this is all going.
Thank you for the challenge and inspiration to grow.
Om Tat sat.
Om Shanti.
Peace.
Sunday 17 July 2011
Friday 15 July 2011
ha-tha yoga
2.33 When these codes of self-regulation or restraint (yamas) and observances or practices of self-training (niyamas) are inhibited from being practiced due to perverse, unwholesome, troublesome, or deviant thoughts, principles in the opposite direction, or contrary thought should be cultivated.
(vitarka badhane pratipaksha bhavanam)
* vitarka = troublesome thoughts, deviating (from the yamas and niyamas)
* badhane = disturbed by, inhibited by
* pratipaksha = to the contrary, opposite thoughts or principles
* bhavanam = cultivate, habituate, thought of, contemplate on, reflect on
Ha-tha yoga is literally based on the union of opposites. It is the path of union that comes from the merging of the dualities implicit in life. Those dualities can be described as light/dark, inhale/exhale, masculine/feminine, positive/negative, active/receptive, freedom/restraint, up/down, in/out, among many others. In the physical practice we are constantly bringing in opposing energy, activating both the down and the up, the in and the out, the inhale and the exhale to bring ourselves into greater balance, harmony and then eventually union and merger with the universal (bad word, but no word can contain the true meaning).
In the physical practice, each asana contains within it the duality. You cannot do a split, which may be imagined as the extreme of outward projection of flexibility without energy drawing in to contain the stretch of the hamstrings. That's not ture. you can do a split without any energy drawing in. You cannot do Hanumanasana, in the yogic sense without that inward energy. And likely, if you never draw energy in while working at the extremes of flexibility, you will end up injured.
The practice however that Patabjali was referring to was not the physical practice of yoga. It was not hatha yoga specifically at all. It is any form of union. And in such a case, it is not really about the body, at least not specifically about the body.
In this case he is referring to negative thought forms. But as we go deeper into understanding, we dismantle the concept of negative and positive. But what is really important is that to reach the state of union, or balance, when anything is out of balance, we keep it in check with the opposite. We cultivate the opposite in our energy and in our life.
I was teaching the other day, and had arrived just on time for the class. There were no students at the time, which I had anticipated, so I had not left my house early. But knowing my responsibility, I rushed to get to the class, pedaling quite vigorously, and with an anxiety that I would be late. I had a moment to settle, and then students came into the class. About halfway through I felt the energy of the room still in a kind of manic, racey state. This is where the sutra became resonant. We were off balance, wobbling on one leg because we were not grounded. And so after struggling with tree pose, we lay down on the floor, to work with the legs there. Instantly then energy shifted, the breath got deeper, and we all seemed to "land" differently. We worked back up slowly, having deepened into the connection to the legs and feet. The second time around, some minutes later, the tree pose was steadier, the breath was deeper and the entire room was more concentrated and settled.
It is true on the mat, and it is true in life, that as we get out of balance in one direction, it is often helpful to cultivate the opposite. It is not a case of trying to eliminate or create a problem out of the state of imbalance. It is just that we constantly need to be brought back to the centre.
Tree pose is a great example, as is any balancing pose, even Tadasana. When standing, the muscles in the foot, ankle and lower leg are never static. They are constantly shifting and responding to the tiny movements of the body. To maintain balance, we don't fight or resist this process and force rigidity. We let the body naturally balance itself through the activation of opposing energy.
Balance is never static. As I imagine the feelings of union and connection and oneness to be as well. There is a constant "small dance" (a phrase used in contact improvisation) as weight shifts. So as we fall out of balance, in a pose, or in life, the ha-tha of yoga is cultivation of the opposing energy.
vitarka badhane pratipaksha bhavanam
om tat sat.
om shanti.
peace.
(vitarka badhane pratipaksha bhavanam)
* vitarka = troublesome thoughts, deviating (from the yamas and niyamas)
* badhane = disturbed by, inhibited by
* pratipaksha = to the contrary, opposite thoughts or principles
* bhavanam = cultivate, habituate, thought of, contemplate on, reflect on
Ha-tha yoga is literally based on the union of opposites. It is the path of union that comes from the merging of the dualities implicit in life. Those dualities can be described as light/dark, inhale/exhale, masculine/feminine, positive/negative, active/receptive, freedom/restraint, up/down, in/out, among many others. In the physical practice we are constantly bringing in opposing energy, activating both the down and the up, the in and the out, the inhale and the exhale to bring ourselves into greater balance, harmony and then eventually union and merger with the universal (bad word, but no word can contain the true meaning).
In the physical practice, each asana contains within it the duality. You cannot do a split, which may be imagined as the extreme of outward projection of flexibility without energy drawing in to contain the stretch of the hamstrings. That's not ture. you can do a split without any energy drawing in. You cannot do Hanumanasana, in the yogic sense without that inward energy. And likely, if you never draw energy in while working at the extremes of flexibility, you will end up injured.
The practice however that Patabjali was referring to was not the physical practice of yoga. It was not hatha yoga specifically at all. It is any form of union. And in such a case, it is not really about the body, at least not specifically about the body.
In this case he is referring to negative thought forms. But as we go deeper into understanding, we dismantle the concept of negative and positive. But what is really important is that to reach the state of union, or balance, when anything is out of balance, we keep it in check with the opposite. We cultivate the opposite in our energy and in our life.
I was teaching the other day, and had arrived just on time for the class. There were no students at the time, which I had anticipated, so I had not left my house early. But knowing my responsibility, I rushed to get to the class, pedaling quite vigorously, and with an anxiety that I would be late. I had a moment to settle, and then students came into the class. About halfway through I felt the energy of the room still in a kind of manic, racey state. This is where the sutra became resonant. We were off balance, wobbling on one leg because we were not grounded. And so after struggling with tree pose, we lay down on the floor, to work with the legs there. Instantly then energy shifted, the breath got deeper, and we all seemed to "land" differently. We worked back up slowly, having deepened into the connection to the legs and feet. The second time around, some minutes later, the tree pose was steadier, the breath was deeper and the entire room was more concentrated and settled.
It is true on the mat, and it is true in life, that as we get out of balance in one direction, it is often helpful to cultivate the opposite. It is not a case of trying to eliminate or create a problem out of the state of imbalance. It is just that we constantly need to be brought back to the centre.
Tree pose is a great example, as is any balancing pose, even Tadasana. When standing, the muscles in the foot, ankle and lower leg are never static. They are constantly shifting and responding to the tiny movements of the body. To maintain balance, we don't fight or resist this process and force rigidity. We let the body naturally balance itself through the activation of opposing energy.
Balance is never static. As I imagine the feelings of union and connection and oneness to be as well. There is a constant "small dance" (a phrase used in contact improvisation) as weight shifts. So as we fall out of balance, in a pose, or in life, the ha-tha of yoga is cultivation of the opposing energy.
vitarka badhane pratipaksha bhavanam
om tat sat.
om shanti.
peace.
Friday 1 July 2011
thank you
still this month sitting has been difficult. this morning i had plenty of time, and yet, a 45 minute sit, which a few months ago would have been easy, felt so challenging. just to get through.
today i sat with a kind of sadness in my heart. there is no reason for it, but it is the sensation that arose. it does from time to time, sitting, walking down the street, in my bed at night, in my practice, in the middle of conversation. sometimes it disguises itself as reaction to a circumstance in the life. but i am beginning to see it for what it is, part of my human condition.
today i sat with dear friend lila in the park for a while. she spoke of her own underlying sensation. maybe it is part of many of our experiences in this life. this feeling of separation. we look to heal it, or soothe it, or numb it in so many ways, some with a path of yoga, or meditation, or sport, or art, some with an addiction to drugs, or sex, or activity, some with jobs and ambition, some with painkillers. i am not sure if everyone has it, though i imagine most of us do in varying degrees.
what we spoke of this afternoon, as the heat of the sun beat down, and then abruptly withdrew behind clouds, is the knoweldge that this, whatever it is, this moment, this emotion, this humanness, is no problem. like deeply, truly, really, really, really no problem. for me, that understanding exists on one level, but has not filtered down through the strata of my being to the deepest layers. still when i wake up sad, i want something to make it go away. to heal it, to clear it. i sit, i practice, i look for friends, i make plans. anything.
today i woke up sad, but today i am also not seeking. there is nothing to heal. there is nothing to do. there is nothing to become, to clear, to fix, to understand. today i miss you in my life. but that is because you were a relief. today i ache for love. but that is because love soothes the ache. today i sit in the almost tears.
today i think of a quote i read not long ago. 'people who love the divine go around with a hole inside their hearts. that hole is called the universe.'
there is no problem. so sadness comes, and so does joy. so loss comes, and so does love. so sunshine comes, and so does rain.
thank you. thank you lila, for being and sitting in the sunshine. thank you for your patience with my racing dancing mind. thank you for the mirror to see the challenges i create. and thank you for the power to accept that all this is, and none of it needs to change, to be healed, to be offered, to be anything.
may all beings know peace. may this practice contribute to the well being of all.
om tat sat.
om shanti.
peace.
today i sat with a kind of sadness in my heart. there is no reason for it, but it is the sensation that arose. it does from time to time, sitting, walking down the street, in my bed at night, in my practice, in the middle of conversation. sometimes it disguises itself as reaction to a circumstance in the life. but i am beginning to see it for what it is, part of my human condition.
today i sat with dear friend lila in the park for a while. she spoke of her own underlying sensation. maybe it is part of many of our experiences in this life. this feeling of separation. we look to heal it, or soothe it, or numb it in so many ways, some with a path of yoga, or meditation, or sport, or art, some with an addiction to drugs, or sex, or activity, some with jobs and ambition, some with painkillers. i am not sure if everyone has it, though i imagine most of us do in varying degrees.
what we spoke of this afternoon, as the heat of the sun beat down, and then abruptly withdrew behind clouds, is the knoweldge that this, whatever it is, this moment, this emotion, this humanness, is no problem. like deeply, truly, really, really, really no problem. for me, that understanding exists on one level, but has not filtered down through the strata of my being to the deepest layers. still when i wake up sad, i want something to make it go away. to heal it, to clear it. i sit, i practice, i look for friends, i make plans. anything.
today i woke up sad, but today i am also not seeking. there is nothing to heal. there is nothing to do. there is nothing to become, to clear, to fix, to understand. today i miss you in my life. but that is because you were a relief. today i ache for love. but that is because love soothes the ache. today i sit in the almost tears.
today i think of a quote i read not long ago. 'people who love the divine go around with a hole inside their hearts. that hole is called the universe.'
there is no problem. so sadness comes, and so does joy. so loss comes, and so does love. so sunshine comes, and so does rain.
thank you. thank you lila, for being and sitting in the sunshine. thank you for your patience with my racing dancing mind. thank you for the mirror to see the challenges i create. and thank you for the power to accept that all this is, and none of it needs to change, to be healed, to be offered, to be anything.
may all beings know peace. may this practice contribute to the well being of all.
om tat sat.
om shanti.
peace.
Saturday 28 May 2011
nervous system
not sleeping well. not sitting well. hmmm...
I was listening to a lecture by Psychotherapist, Therapeutic Yogi and teacher Bo Forbes this morning. It was about the intersection of yoga and neuroscience. She is very knowledgeable and it is not really for me to reiterate what she has said.
However, what I was reminded of this morning is the interconnection between body and mind, more specifically that when the nervous system is in a state of engagement, the fight/flight/freeze instinct starts to kick in. The way that I notice this is that my mind starts plotting all kinds of strategies, exit strategies, conversations, plans, all kinds of things. I was so distracted by such thoughts this morning that I could not hardly sit.
But what is interesting is I am not practicing my physical yoga well either. Sometimes when I find it hard to sit it is because the body has excess physical energy that needs to be burned off (or so I think) and thus it is hard to sit until that energy is used. In such cases yoga serves as a preparation for meditation.
But right now that is not the case. Physical energy moves on the bike. But, my practice feels weaker than usual, erratic, and unconcentrated. Both the mind and body are in that maniacal state.
It is not all bad. This time is full of planning, imagining, visioning life into existence. And so that positive racing mind is useful, in a way, to those thought processes. But it just won't stop. Or when it does, it screeches to a halt in the form of absolute exhaustion. Not how I really want to be living.
So what the lecture reminded me is that the agitation of the nervous system, even through sitting keeps this energy going. I suppose sitting meditation, for the moment will have to take a back seat to some restorative work, where the body can truly, truly, release and relax.
The other part of this post comes from a reflection on watching a friend prepare for some travels. He is packing his life full of activities, wanting to get just one more session in before he goes, or just do one more workshop, see this person, etc. It struck me that I live like that a lot. Trying to squeeze, trying to hold, not wanting to let one more day go by without, etc. A phrase said to me by a dear old friend came to mind. I said it to him, as I say it to myself, as I say it to you.
You have everything that you need.
And I do. So this evening, tomorrow, bank holiday/memorial day monday will be coming to rest in that knowledge. There is nothing more needed. Energy flows, so I do not need to grasp at it. It comes, it moves, it supports me. I have everything that I need. We all have everything that we need.
Maybe that will allow this nervous system to calm and mind to steady. That would be welcome.
Om Tat Sat.
Om Shanti.
Peace.
I was listening to a lecture by Psychotherapist, Therapeutic Yogi and teacher Bo Forbes this morning. It was about the intersection of yoga and neuroscience. She is very knowledgeable and it is not really for me to reiterate what she has said.
However, what I was reminded of this morning is the interconnection between body and mind, more specifically that when the nervous system is in a state of engagement, the fight/flight/freeze instinct starts to kick in. The way that I notice this is that my mind starts plotting all kinds of strategies, exit strategies, conversations, plans, all kinds of things. I was so distracted by such thoughts this morning that I could not hardly sit.
But what is interesting is I am not practicing my physical yoga well either. Sometimes when I find it hard to sit it is because the body has excess physical energy that needs to be burned off (or so I think) and thus it is hard to sit until that energy is used. In such cases yoga serves as a preparation for meditation.
But right now that is not the case. Physical energy moves on the bike. But, my practice feels weaker than usual, erratic, and unconcentrated. Both the mind and body are in that maniacal state.
It is not all bad. This time is full of planning, imagining, visioning life into existence. And so that positive racing mind is useful, in a way, to those thought processes. But it just won't stop. Or when it does, it screeches to a halt in the form of absolute exhaustion. Not how I really want to be living.
So what the lecture reminded me is that the agitation of the nervous system, even through sitting keeps this energy going. I suppose sitting meditation, for the moment will have to take a back seat to some restorative work, where the body can truly, truly, release and relax.
The other part of this post comes from a reflection on watching a friend prepare for some travels. He is packing his life full of activities, wanting to get just one more session in before he goes, or just do one more workshop, see this person, etc. It struck me that I live like that a lot. Trying to squeeze, trying to hold, not wanting to let one more day go by without, etc. A phrase said to me by a dear old friend came to mind. I said it to him, as I say it to myself, as I say it to you.
You have everything that you need.
And I do. So this evening, tomorrow, bank holiday/memorial day monday will be coming to rest in that knowledge. There is nothing more needed. Energy flows, so I do not need to grasp at it. It comes, it moves, it supports me. I have everything that I need. We all have everything that we need.
Maybe that will allow this nervous system to calm and mind to steady. That would be welcome.
Om Tat Sat.
Om Shanti.
Peace.
Monday 23 May 2011
Upcoming
Lots of exciting things coming up, starting with this one. Watch this space.
Hari Om, Tat Sat.
Om Shanti.
Peace.
Friday 13 May 2011
breathe and breathe again
I am constantly amazed by how insights in my life are given to me on the yoga mat. And how, as my practice develops physically, so I develop spiritually. What a great gift.
In the last week, I have had the good fortune to practice with some of London’s most advanced yoga practitioners. I have also started to change the pace of my own practice, slowing down to honestly and precisely match movements to the speed of the breath. Both of these experiences have shown me truly what happens when I get into the depth of the breathing pattern. Physical impossibilities become more possible.
But it is not only advancing the asana that interests me. Earlier this week, a series of circumstances left me feeling completely overwhelmed, the bigness of the city and the world and the projects at hand. Feeling slightly fragile, I was overcome with the feeling, “I cannot do this alone”. At first it sort of attached to a need for someone to help me. But after some time, it dawned on me that that feeling, “I cannot do this alone” is when the space for grace enters.
It is when I can truly let universal energy sustain me, not my own supposed strength. This is great trust and great surrender. In that moment, I became deeply present to the way breath, and therefore prana or life force energy come into me, move through me, and emanate from me, without me doing. That breath is the life energy, the sustenance to move, and a power much greater than myself to create on the earth.
I have been doing my yoga practice with a certain depth of breath, and a certain level of muscular effort. I feel generally strong and capable. The realisation was that if breath can get deeper, I don’t need to do quite so much. I don't need to be strong. It is done through me. And with that understanding, I was doing more advanced asana, with greater ease than before.
So it will be my project to explore that depth of breath, the depth of my ability to receive and let go into the energy that flows through me. To let my head, my strength, my drive, all take a rest, and see what unfolds in that deep place.
In my class, I choose a theme for each month. May’s theme has been supporting the heart. What better support than to rest in the great arms of the universe, to let go, to breathe and be held. June will continue this theme, with deeper exploration of the breath, the breath connected to bandha, and the breath connected to presence within the asana practice.
Hari Om, Tat Sat.
Om Shanti.
In the last week, I have had the good fortune to practice with some of London’s most advanced yoga practitioners. I have also started to change the pace of my own practice, slowing down to honestly and precisely match movements to the speed of the breath. Both of these experiences have shown me truly what happens when I get into the depth of the breathing pattern. Physical impossibilities become more possible.
But it is not only advancing the asana that interests me. Earlier this week, a series of circumstances left me feeling completely overwhelmed, the bigness of the city and the world and the projects at hand. Feeling slightly fragile, I was overcome with the feeling, “I cannot do this alone”. At first it sort of attached to a need for someone to help me. But after some time, it dawned on me that that feeling, “I cannot do this alone” is when the space for grace enters.
It is when I can truly let universal energy sustain me, not my own supposed strength. This is great trust and great surrender. In that moment, I became deeply present to the way breath, and therefore prana or life force energy come into me, move through me, and emanate from me, without me doing. That breath is the life energy, the sustenance to move, and a power much greater than myself to create on the earth.
I have been doing my yoga practice with a certain depth of breath, and a certain level of muscular effort. I feel generally strong and capable. The realisation was that if breath can get deeper, I don’t need to do quite so much. I don't need to be strong. It is done through me. And with that understanding, I was doing more advanced asana, with greater ease than before.
So it will be my project to explore that depth of breath, the depth of my ability to receive and let go into the energy that flows through me. To let my head, my strength, my drive, all take a rest, and see what unfolds in that deep place.
In my class, I choose a theme for each month. May’s theme has been supporting the heart. What better support than to rest in the great arms of the universe, to let go, to breathe and be held. June will continue this theme, with deeper exploration of the breath, the breath connected to bandha, and the breath connected to presence within the asana practice.
Hari Om, Tat Sat.
Om Shanti.
Friday 6 May 2011
national unity
i'm just sayin'...
i know that a royal wedding is a sort of flimsy excuse for flag waving and national unity and pride, but at the moment I much prefer it over a vengeful and only semi-legal assassination.
i'll celebrate love over hate, and peace over violence any day.
Hari Om, Tat Sat.
Stand for peace.
Om Shanti.
i know that a royal wedding is a sort of flimsy excuse for flag waving and national unity and pride, but at the moment I much prefer it over a vengeful and only semi-legal assassination.
i'll celebrate love over hate, and peace over violence any day.
Hari Om, Tat Sat.
Stand for peace.
Om Shanti.
Tuesday 3 May 2011
the unfolding of lessons
I am not sure what the theme for May will be just yet, but today, Taurus new moon day, I start by reflecting on April. Being away for half the month at Vipassana, and then Easter, and then this Royal Wedding thing made the month seem very choppy, and very short. So there wasn't really time to develop a theme. If anything it was about quiet. I stopped teaching with music and started working more quietly and subtly in myself. I had to. Vipassana truly broke me down in many ways, including physical, which I only now think I am recovering from. Maybe recovering is not quite the right word, moving through, moving with, adapting to...
So last week in yoga, I had a pretty major energetic release, shaking and trembling deeply, and for a long time. The energy that released had been inside for a while, and still is. But starting to move. So I thought the May theme was going to be about releasing. Softness and space in the musculature to facilitate release into the depth of flexibility. But it doesn't ring true at the moment. Feels like there is something else that I am working on, that came out naturally in classes today.
Amongst the work I did in March were two workshops that both focused on the use of the shoulders. I have been reprogramming my own body, especially in chaturanga, but also in backbends like cobra and camel to really use the shoulder blades on the back in a different way. After working the shoulders on the back into the backbends and eventually into nataragasana, there was this sort of spontaneous meditation image that came.
The heart chakra, the heart itself and the energy it expresses is not located in the front body. It permeates the general area of the centre of the chest as it expresses through the entire mind/body network. And in so doing, it is equally radiant in the back body. But what can come from the back body need not be the same type of energy as what radiates through the front.
If someone were to spontaneously make a gesture to express open-heartedness, they would probably extend the hands forward and open the hands. The quality of an open heart expresses itself in the front body. Nevertheless it is impossible to express this quality without the integrity of the back body, the spine and the musculature of the back.
So as I have been working the shoulders differently, there is a new quality of openness that is possible in the heart centre, a clarity and precision and depth.
The last few weeks have also brought back some of the first spiritual themes that i encountered on my journey. So the image I am using for this month is a great bright moon in the centre of the chest, the back body is like the gravity that connects it to the earth in constant movement. The front body is the bright face that shines its light, both as a mirror for universal energy and as a source itself of pure radiance.
It seems like the right theme now for the month. On May 21 I will lead a workshop with the beautiful and insightful Lizzie McCallum, exploring the themes of unconditional love and open heart through the practice of yoga. meditation and creative practice. So this month will build to that. What a lovely journey to be on.
Hari Om, Tat Sat.
Om Shanti.
Peace.
So last week in yoga, I had a pretty major energetic release, shaking and trembling deeply, and for a long time. The energy that released had been inside for a while, and still is. But starting to move. So I thought the May theme was going to be about releasing. Softness and space in the musculature to facilitate release into the depth of flexibility. But it doesn't ring true at the moment. Feels like there is something else that I am working on, that came out naturally in classes today.
Amongst the work I did in March were two workshops that both focused on the use of the shoulders. I have been reprogramming my own body, especially in chaturanga, but also in backbends like cobra and camel to really use the shoulder blades on the back in a different way. After working the shoulders on the back into the backbends and eventually into nataragasana, there was this sort of spontaneous meditation image that came.
The heart chakra, the heart itself and the energy it expresses is not located in the front body. It permeates the general area of the centre of the chest as it expresses through the entire mind/body network. And in so doing, it is equally radiant in the back body. But what can come from the back body need not be the same type of energy as what radiates through the front.
If someone were to spontaneously make a gesture to express open-heartedness, they would probably extend the hands forward and open the hands. The quality of an open heart expresses itself in the front body. Nevertheless it is impossible to express this quality without the integrity of the back body, the spine and the musculature of the back.
So as I have been working the shoulders differently, there is a new quality of openness that is possible in the heart centre, a clarity and precision and depth.
The last few weeks have also brought back some of the first spiritual themes that i encountered on my journey. So the image I am using for this month is a great bright moon in the centre of the chest, the back body is like the gravity that connects it to the earth in constant movement. The front body is the bright face that shines its light, both as a mirror for universal energy and as a source itself of pure radiance.
It seems like the right theme now for the month. On May 21 I will lead a workshop with the beautiful and insightful Lizzie McCallum, exploring the themes of unconditional love and open heart through the practice of yoga. meditation and creative practice. So this month will build to that. What a lovely journey to be on.
Hari Om, Tat Sat.
Om Shanti.
Peace.
Saturday 23 April 2011
behind...
there is so much that has happened in the last few months (i almost wrote 'there is so much that happened in the next few months', which may be some kind of preminition...) so i feel very behind with writing on the blog. Never mind, I will start here from today with some abbreviated reflections on March and April, and then move forward into May. Time feels SOSOSOSOOO FAST at the moment. I am lucky for that.
The theme for March was innocence. So in the practice, I was exploring new ways to warm up, sequence, poses I have not done in a while, or not ever. But really what happened in that month, especially towards the end of the month was so much new information, major changes to the way that I practice, the way that I think, and the capacities I have to heal and work in my life. It's amazing how intention creates reality, and I truly feel like I have been able to approach my patterns with new eyes, deep innocence and therefore greater potential for transformation.
With so much newness, I went straight in Vipassana retreat in early April. I know feel like I am reeling with so much information and connection. It is beautiful and inspiring, wow. And it has been very difficult. So April is a short month, and as AstroZo says, time to integrate and eat brownies. Ok done.
Among the effects of the Vipassana was a deep, deep physical rest. This rest has indeed unwound some of the physical patterns that have shaped my movement for the last... while... So at the moment I feel both deeply week and depleted, like there are no reserves in the tank, but also very liberated from the patterns that were. Maybe in this time emotions, patterns that were constantly re-patterned into my physicality will have a chance to let go. it certainly feels that some have already, and some are on the edge.
So I am deeply thankful for this time of change and emergence. Among the things that I am noticing is that I feel like my brain is learning new thought patterns and is literally rewiring. With that comes a feeling like I am learning to run. Sometimes after a few minutes, i feel a sort of physical fatigue in my mind. Ultimately, learning new ways of thinking, or in this case transcending thinking will be such a gift.
So I am off to train, in the form of a one hour, saturday night meditation. woo hoo. what a life. but I feel so thankful and it is bringing such beautiful learning.
Nice to be back online.
Hari Om, Tat Sat.
Om Shanti, and all my love to all.
The theme for March was innocence. So in the practice, I was exploring new ways to warm up, sequence, poses I have not done in a while, or not ever. But really what happened in that month, especially towards the end of the month was so much new information, major changes to the way that I practice, the way that I think, and the capacities I have to heal and work in my life. It's amazing how intention creates reality, and I truly feel like I have been able to approach my patterns with new eyes, deep innocence and therefore greater potential for transformation.
With so much newness, I went straight in Vipassana retreat in early April. I know feel like I am reeling with so much information and connection. It is beautiful and inspiring, wow. And it has been very difficult. So April is a short month, and as AstroZo says, time to integrate and eat brownies. Ok done.
Among the effects of the Vipassana was a deep, deep physical rest. This rest has indeed unwound some of the physical patterns that have shaped my movement for the last... while... So at the moment I feel both deeply week and depleted, like there are no reserves in the tank, but also very liberated from the patterns that were. Maybe in this time emotions, patterns that were constantly re-patterned into my physicality will have a chance to let go. it certainly feels that some have already, and some are on the edge.
So I am deeply thankful for this time of change and emergence. Among the things that I am noticing is that I feel like my brain is learning new thought patterns and is literally rewiring. With that comes a feeling like I am learning to run. Sometimes after a few minutes, i feel a sort of physical fatigue in my mind. Ultimately, learning new ways of thinking, or in this case transcending thinking will be such a gift.
So I am off to train, in the form of a one hour, saturday night meditation. woo hoo. what a life. but I feel so thankful and it is bringing such beautiful learning.
Nice to be back online.
Hari Om, Tat Sat.
Om Shanti, and all my love to all.
Sunday 27 February 2011
little thought
i am thinking about the name for my website, which will be done by Easter (now its in writing and public!) and I had the thought:
Yoga is not a noun. It is not a form. It is not a technique.
Yoga is not something you do.
Create a home for yoga in your heart.
Cultivate and tend it.
Be present and watch.
Yoga is something that happens.
Like photosynthesis.
Like the blossoming of a flower.
Like the sun emerging from the clouds,
on a deceptively cold february day.
Yoga is not a noun. It is not a form. It is not a technique.
Yoga is not something you do.
Create a home for yoga in your heart.
Cultivate and tend it.
Be present and watch.
Yoga is something that happens.
Like photosynthesis.
Like the blossoming of a flower.
Like the sun emerging from the clouds,
on a deceptively cold february day.
Saturday 26 February 2011
On teaching
I wonder what khalil gibran would write on teaching. this is probably a sacrilege but it is the tone that comes to mind.
here's mine.
On teaching yoga on a saturday morning.
Your students are not your responsibility. Your own energy is your responsibility. Be neither attached to their success, nor distressed by their avoidance. They will receive what is needed when they are ready. It is their path, not yours.
Just as you let lose your words into the studio, so you let your soul. But do not be distressed if the student does not respond. For their own filters cloud their ears, and they may choose not to hear what displeases them.
Stay true to your truth, for even if you amend your statements after learning more, so you will learn more by being true then by censoring.
Do not answer too many questions, but keep asking questions. The student will easily flow forth with their own insight, but leave and make space. Throughout your teaching, create space, spaces for discovery, insight and deep breath. But guide that space with care and precision to lead it to optimal insights.
Worry not for what they may expect, because it is your duty to teach at every moment, not just deliver instructions to a vacuum. The words and instincts you are given are not from you but from the divine, so do not hold back.
Be neither authoritative, nor overly passive. Do not force your own technique nor let the student do whatever he wishes. Do not attach egoistically to your own perspective but do not accommodate the student's ego either.
DO not look at your students for validation or for praise. Make each class an offering and have no attachment to the return. The connection you feel to source is the validation you seek.
Be here now, open yourself to the flow and the flow will guide you. trust both your instinct and you knowledge.
And be grateful, for this is a beautiful job to be given.
Hari Om, Tat Sat.
here's mine.
On teaching yoga on a saturday morning.
Your students are not your responsibility. Your own energy is your responsibility. Be neither attached to their success, nor distressed by their avoidance. They will receive what is needed when they are ready. It is their path, not yours.
Just as you let lose your words into the studio, so you let your soul. But do not be distressed if the student does not respond. For their own filters cloud their ears, and they may choose not to hear what displeases them.
Stay true to your truth, for even if you amend your statements after learning more, so you will learn more by being true then by censoring.
Do not answer too many questions, but keep asking questions. The student will easily flow forth with their own insight, but leave and make space. Throughout your teaching, create space, spaces for discovery, insight and deep breath. But guide that space with care and precision to lead it to optimal insights.
Worry not for what they may expect, because it is your duty to teach at every moment, not just deliver instructions to a vacuum. The words and instincts you are given are not from you but from the divine, so do not hold back.
Be neither authoritative, nor overly passive. Do not force your own technique nor let the student do whatever he wishes. Do not attach egoistically to your own perspective but do not accommodate the student's ego either.
DO not look at your students for validation or for praise. Make each class an offering and have no attachment to the return. The connection you feel to source is the validation you seek.
Be here now, open yourself to the flow and the flow will guide you. trust both your instinct and you knowledge.
And be grateful, for this is a beautiful job to be given.
Hari Om, Tat Sat.
Saturday 12 February 2011
innocence mission
Listening to adyashanti the other day doing my practice, it came that the next theme (after this month of forearm balances) is innocence. More to come on that in words, but in the mean time, I am playing with approaching everything in life, from the ever present overdancing thoughts, to the things I think i know, with the spirit of innocence. Wondering just what is, not what i want or need or am trying to do.
Not do, just wonder.
Nothing but the innocence of love.
New facet of the journey, and big potential.
Hari Om, Tat Sat.
Om Shanti.
A new world is possible.
Peace.
Not do, just wonder.
Nothing but the innocence of love.
New facet of the journey, and big potential.
Hari Om, Tat Sat.
Om Shanti.
A new world is possible.
Peace.
Tuesday 8 February 2011
aligning
Sometimes I am so precious about blogging, like everything has to be some kind of masterwork before i can post it. This one is not, it is very much about me, in process.
The last few weeks, or years, or lifetimes, i don't know yet, i have been caught in what feels like a whirlpool of thinking. that every time i sit to meditate, or go about my own life, these thoughts become so haunting, that i start to feel debilitated. I feel like I know what I should be doing, but instead get caught in patterns of self destruction, patterns of negative thought, patterns of over thinking. and what it feels like is a shadow of me flying in circles in my head, while another little me is hiding in the bottom of the closet.
I DO NOT WANT TO LIVE LIKE THIS. Not eliminate, but not live in this pattern. What I am slowly recognizing is that I have to learn how to love. Love all of it, fully and with the greatest compassion. Love the hiding girl and her voice of fear. Love the flying witch and her insane mutteringsings, love the driven Sagittarian/Capricorn and the double sided Gemini. I don't even fully know what it means to love all these bits. But I know that that love represents coming into wholeness and growing up, and then having the beautiful life that I want.
It's difficult to say these things publicly. Really difficult. They feel big, and right away i can hear the mind chattering saying, how dare you write that. What if people...
But that is part of it. Accepting my vulnerability, and letting you see it too.
Anyway, this post was supposed to be about aligning.
The other day I was sitting at the beginning of a class, with my teacher Ana Forrest, when one of her assistants came and moved my body backwards in the simple sitting (meditative) pose. Ana's comment to me was, "What would it feel like to get your head in alignment with your power?". I suppose this echos something I have been told before, "you act with your head pointing." I think this means the same thing, that the head goes forward, sometimes too the chest and upper body into an ungrounded and over directed, unaligned place.
So I have been doing lots of abdominal work, a la Ana Forrest. I have been also chanting Har. Building the power in the navel centre for that energy to make change. But more than that, I am also learning the role and perhaps art of mental containment.
In yoga it is sort of obvious, a stage of the practice where the mind comes up with all kinds of reasons that you cannot hold this pose anymore, or you really need to repaint your fingernails instead of going to the mat or all kinds of stories that we put in front of actually doing. The class is too early, the class is too late, its too hot, its too crowded, i can't because this, that this that this that and the other. And then at some stage, or for a moment another part says, shhhhh. Go to the mat. Hold the pose, one more breath, just one.
which becomes two
which becomes another day when you woke up extra early
then another week
which becomes the practice.
For me, it goes in waves. There are moments when I feel so clearly and strongly the hushing presence. And there are other times when the mind wanders so completely on its own. And in those wanderings sometimes I forget that it is the other voice, the shhhh voice, the parent voice in the head, that must not hush the mind entirely, but look at it with the greatest love and say, no dear, you cannot have cake for dinner. no dear, you do have to go to school.
I feel like I have confused loving with a kind of self indulgence, really wallowing, that allowed sloppy thoughts, unfinished projects and self sabotage to become a habit.
This month I am working on forearm balances, in my practice and in my teaching. It is showing me many things -
the steadiness of practice needed to build up enough strength to improve
the steadiness of thought needed to maintain balance when it wavers,
the integrity of the body and mind needed to hold my sometimes floppy body as one unit
the sheer enjoyment of the challenge and how joyful it can be to grow.
So i am sitting with the intention of bringing my head heart and navel in line, the mind, the guiding heart and the power to work as one.
Here I am, work in progress.
We close the practice with three times Om to come into Harmony with each other, with all beings and with our own true nature which is divine.
Hari Om, Tat Sat.
Om Shanti.
Peace and that Greatest Love, ever expansive and also containing.
The last few weeks, or years, or lifetimes, i don't know yet, i have been caught in what feels like a whirlpool of thinking. that every time i sit to meditate, or go about my own life, these thoughts become so haunting, that i start to feel debilitated. I feel like I know what I should be doing, but instead get caught in patterns of self destruction, patterns of negative thought, patterns of over thinking. and what it feels like is a shadow of me flying in circles in my head, while another little me is hiding in the bottom of the closet.
I DO NOT WANT TO LIVE LIKE THIS. Not eliminate, but not live in this pattern. What I am slowly recognizing is that I have to learn how to love. Love all of it, fully and with the greatest compassion. Love the hiding girl and her voice of fear. Love the flying witch and her insane mutteringsings, love the driven Sagittarian/Capricorn and the double sided Gemini. I don't even fully know what it means to love all these bits. But I know that that love represents coming into wholeness and growing up, and then having the beautiful life that I want.
It's difficult to say these things publicly. Really difficult. They feel big, and right away i can hear the mind chattering saying, how dare you write that. What if people...
But that is part of it. Accepting my vulnerability, and letting you see it too.
Anyway, this post was supposed to be about aligning.
The other day I was sitting at the beginning of a class, with my teacher Ana Forrest, when one of her assistants came and moved my body backwards in the simple sitting (meditative) pose. Ana's comment to me was, "What would it feel like to get your head in alignment with your power?". I suppose this echos something I have been told before, "you act with your head pointing." I think this means the same thing, that the head goes forward, sometimes too the chest and upper body into an ungrounded and over directed, unaligned place.
So I have been doing lots of abdominal work, a la Ana Forrest. I have been also chanting Har. Building the power in the navel centre for that energy to make change. But more than that, I am also learning the role and perhaps art of mental containment.
In yoga it is sort of obvious, a stage of the practice where the mind comes up with all kinds of reasons that you cannot hold this pose anymore, or you really need to repaint your fingernails instead of going to the mat or all kinds of stories that we put in front of actually doing. The class is too early, the class is too late, its too hot, its too crowded, i can't because this, that this that this that and the other. And then at some stage, or for a moment another part says, shhhhh. Go to the mat. Hold the pose, one more breath, just one.
which becomes two
which becomes another day when you woke up extra early
then another week
which becomes the practice.
For me, it goes in waves. There are moments when I feel so clearly and strongly the hushing presence. And there are other times when the mind wanders so completely on its own. And in those wanderings sometimes I forget that it is the other voice, the shhhh voice, the parent voice in the head, that must not hush the mind entirely, but look at it with the greatest love and say, no dear, you cannot have cake for dinner. no dear, you do have to go to school.
I feel like I have confused loving with a kind of self indulgence, really wallowing, that allowed sloppy thoughts, unfinished projects and self sabotage to become a habit.
This month I am working on forearm balances, in my practice and in my teaching. It is showing me many things -
the steadiness of practice needed to build up enough strength to improve
the steadiness of thought needed to maintain balance when it wavers,
the integrity of the body and mind needed to hold my sometimes floppy body as one unit
the sheer enjoyment of the challenge and how joyful it can be to grow.
So i am sitting with the intention of bringing my head heart and navel in line, the mind, the guiding heart and the power to work as one.
Here I am, work in progress.
We close the practice with three times Om to come into Harmony with each other, with all beings and with our own true nature which is divine.
Hari Om, Tat Sat.
Om Shanti.
Peace and that Greatest Love, ever expansive and also containing.
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